I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He? As in you personified your dick?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
