we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I puked a lego.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
