idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
