R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
