bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
