Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
