Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
