trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I enjoy the company of your penis
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
