Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
