I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
