last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
