around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
