Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
