Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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