All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
