Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
