I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
