M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
