You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
