You work out of a Hotel?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I am midnight drunk by noon
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
