Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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