Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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