you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
