a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
