Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
