someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
