The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
If that was your dad, he is hot
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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