When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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