Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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