It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
