everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
