You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
