Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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