We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Couch. On fire.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
