Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
