I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
