Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
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