I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Best friends brother. Beat that.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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