It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
