just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize