That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
