if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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