The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
