I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize