You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
