How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Green mimosas i think yes
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
