SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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