Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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