the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
