he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize