he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
