she kept yelling 'call me bella'
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
