her facebook's as public as her vagina
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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