The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Lo siento on account of my penis...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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