Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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