Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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