She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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