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just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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