I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
