So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The beer is more important than you right now.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
