i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
