Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You took a bar mat shot.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
