So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize