Just cropdusted the office
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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