Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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