dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Sober January is a disaster.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
