No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
