Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
