You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
