Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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