I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
