I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
