STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
