As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
