he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
