I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
